I know I have been guilty of looking for new ways to help my clients because frankly, I sometimes get bored of the same metaphors, stories and distinctions. Perhaps you have noticed the same that in our community language evolves, people are coaching slightly differently.
However, I think we can really miss the power of the simplicity of the work. The simple distinction of inside-out vs outside-in can seem innocuous but has profound implications. My whole book is pretty much written around this one distinction.
Anytime a client believes their upset feeling is telling them something about their spouse or boss or the economy, they are not seeing life as it actually works. This is PROFOUND because they try and change things from this place which is based on a false belief. It’s like trying to build a house on unstable foundations.
This one simple distinction cuts across countries, religions, ages, industries, gender – everything. I know when a client is upset because of his spouse, that’s the thing I help him see past. When a client is fearful due to her money situation, I go to helping her see her fear is a reflection of her thinking in the moment not the bank balance. This doesn’t mean we can’t look at ways to improve their relationship or increase their income but we need to first tackle the misunderstanding which has them see life as outside-in.
The fact that there are no exceptions to this is really what makes it powerful. This applies across the board including this evening when my baby puked all over me. Thought in the moment!
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