Are we all just looking to better connect with each other?

Someone once said to me that we all have a common desire; we are all just looking to connect with others and connection has come up in a few conversations I’ve had in the past weeks.

Connection with others applies to so many areas of our lives – not just in intimate relationships. We seek to connect at home with our families, socially with our friends and increasingly connect at work with our boss, customers and colleagues. I believe it’s fairly obvious that better connections with others lead to better relationships, whether it be work, social or intimate relationships.

So how do I improve my connection?

It sounds like a logical question. If better connection improves relationships then what can we do to improve the connection we have with others? You can pop down to any book store or browse on Amazon and pick up any number of books that can give you some tools and techniques or the latest strategy to connect better with people. These could discuss better eye contact, being more tactile, the specific words you use, mirroring body language or many other things to do. I tried some of these techniques myself. Now whilst these things may help build some rapport there are a couple of things I found with this approach:

1) They required a degree of effort to implement and keep them in mind when relating to others

2) Having these strategies in mind didn’t feel the same as when I had a genuine connection with someone


3) They didn’t work 100% of the time

The funny thing is, there is a way to have a better connection with people, without having to remember a technique or strategy, which feels genuine and authentic and which always works.

The Magic Pill

It’s not really a magic pill really as there is nothing ‘to do,’ but when you have less on your mind you are naturally a better listener, more open and more connected to the people you are interacting with. You may have heard that we connect when we are more present and are living in the present moment. I didn’t know how to “be more present” and it certainly didn’t help when I thought about it too much. Well, this happens when you have less on your mind and you have less on your mind when you don’t try to do anything about it.

So try it – next time you have a conversation with someone at work or at home, keep your mind relatively free. If it isn’t free, don’t worry about it. Thoughts will come and go but don’t pay too much attention to them and instead pay attention to the person across from you and give them the gift of being listened to.

Would love to have your comment below.



2 thoughts on “Connection”

  1. “I believe its fairly obvious that better connections with others leads to better relationships”When I read that I was surprised because for me it is like a synomym, talking about the connection to someone or the relationship to someone. What do you think?I like the advice “pay attention to the person” and at the same time I am concerned about the advice to “keep your mind free”. I know that I myself worry about that when I have that expectation but recognize my mind is wandering.How I am trying to connect to other people is indeed by paying attention to THEM and what is alive in them and show them that I hear them to “give them the gift of being listened to” 😉

  2. I can relate to the comments:

    ‘I didn’t know how to be more present’ and ‘this happens when you have less on your mind’.

    The only way to connect with people is by being present and having nothing on your mind but it’s hard to explain how you do that. You can’t listen to people if your head is full of worries about how you look or how you should respond. The best way to describe how to be present and how to connect is – letting go but I wasn’t able to let go until I realised you don’t get there by trying.


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