Many people may have heard of my document, a set of “I am” declarations that I speak out loud every morning and every evening. I created these statements over several sessions with the Ultimate Coach, Steve Hardison, in his office in Arizona. They resulted from a deep self-forgiveness process which has been the most profound personal change work I have ever done.
Now these are not just a set of statements, they are not a set of affirmations. I tried affirmations years ago, and they didn’t have a profound impact, so I stopped. These declarations are who I declare myself to be, to myself and the world. They are my North Star. This means I have to BE them. I see this as a mountain without a top because if I take the first line of my document, which is “I am loved, and I am loving”, there are so many levels I could step into being that. I could dedicate my whole life to seeing more and being more of that – with my wife, my parents, my son, my clients, my neighbours and with people I have just met.
Similarly, I have a statement which is, “I am an amazing husband and father.” Whilst that is true now, there are also unlimited levels that I could step into being even more amazing as a husband and father. Since I started saying this statement last year, I have spent more quality time with my son, being more mindful about being present with him and appreciating the time I have with him whilst he is at such a young age. I have also seen ways to BE an amazing husband from leaving little love notes, making fun plans for our weekends and just being more helpful around the home. This doesn’t mean I am perfect but the change is unmistakable.
However, that’s not to say there aren’t challenges in declaring and being these statements. Being declarations aren’t necessarily easy, and every day I will act in some way that is contrary to what I speak.
So I might disagree with my wife, and I might be acting in a way which isn’t being an amazing husband. I remind myself of my document and I do whatever it takes to come back in alignment with that statement. That might mean apologising and forgiving myself for any judgments I hold on myself and listening even more profoundly to my wife. This has changed my relationship with her and myself.
One of my statements is, “I’m a role model for fitness.” I found earlier this year that I wasn’t really that. I had put on weight and become the heaviest I had ever been. Now whilst I was working out at home with an online personal trainer, there was a gap between what I was declaring myself to be and who I was actually being. I had to face that. I’m now, as many of you have seen on social media, back in the gym, working out more regularly and eating the healthiest I’ve ever eaten in my life and doing more cardio.
I would say to anyone who has a document, it’s not a set of affirmations that is a finished process. If you are declaring yourself to be anything of note, there are going to be challenges along the way. That’s part of the process to expand who you’re being in the world to handle those challenges and come back to being your document.
These declarations have been so powerful for me that every man who attends my Powerful Men’s Immersions now gets four 1 hour coaching sessions with me to create their own set of declarations. Click here to get more information.
With love and appreciation,
Coach and Author of Sweet Sharing – Rediscovering the REAL You